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I need to update more regularly. I fail.

I'm going back to Texas next month. Andy, my friend Ozzie, and I are going to Anime Matsuri. 


I originally was going to turn down the trip, but Ozzie wore me down and Andy asked me to go since his birthday is during AM weekend. This means that I'll probably just do three more conventions this year, if not two. Otakon is a definite (I have a room reserved in my name) and Zenkaikon too. The convention in question is Anime USA. I might go to hang out with some of my old con crew.

Oh, speaking of conventions, Katsucon was crazy but really fun. One of my friends got me to go into a strip club while I was in Crystal City for the con. I always thought that place was just a sports bar but there are two stages with poles where the topless chicks dance. I never knew they made rose-shaped nipple pasties either.  I also went out to lunch with Jenny, who I don't get to see too often. I don't know if I'd really call us friends yet, but she's a very awesome person to talk to. I usually see her at cons or Delaware Anime Society events, but I should see if she's free to hang out with before Otakon.

I need to get some things up on ebay or to the Goodwill. I've got too much in my room right now. It's such a mess.

I'm horrible at updating this

Sooooo here's a recap of the last six months or so.

            - had to skip Connecticon and help my sister and nephew move into my home. They now occupy my former computer room, and my sister and I are still fighting over my sewing room. She thinks that she should get two rooms for her and Dylan. I think she should have a yard sale and get rid of some of her shit.
           - went to Otakon, was the only girl in a room full of guys. Got friendly with Andy, one of my roommates. He bought me dinner for participating in the epic cosplay battle with Darth Vader at the fountains. He plays Guilty Gear too.
         - Got fucked on my financial aid because my mom had to file taxes with my dad earlier in 2008. That won't be happening again.  I had to take out a $3,500 loan to help pay for college stuff.
            - Started classes at Del Tech. I had Intro to Design, Computer Graphics 2, Human Communications and Business Math.

          - Bought a laptop for school. It's a garnet-red Gateway T-1631. I bought it from Circuit City with an extended warranty, which I have to figure out if it's still any good to be since Circuit City is going out of business. I don't care, I love my laptop. ;o;
          - Andy and I started hanging out a lot after Otakon and playing Guilty Gear.
          - Andy and I started dating. <3 
          - I met Andy's parents and his mom is cool as shit and his dad cooks good food. ;o; <3
         - Staffed for T-Mode. I got to help pick up Johnny Yong Bosch from the airport. He travels like a ninja. o:
        - Became Vice President for the anime club trying to get started at Del Tech. We ended up deciding to be independent because of trouble finding an advisor.

          - Started having a mid-semester meltdown
          - Went to Zenkaikon with Andy and my friend Lauren from school; and I was in the artist alley. I was ill prepared due to trying to salvage my grades but I had a fun time. I shared space with a fun girl nicknamed Kizzie (kizziesama.deviantart.com). I love her. ;o;
          - I dropped Intro to Design around October/November. I had an equivalent credit to it through Wilmington University anyways, plus it being at  10 AM didn't work with my transportation needs or my "I wanna spend time with the boyfriend" needs.

          - Went to Towson, MD with Andy and shopped at Towson Town Center. Andy used to live around Towson so he showed me around. Then we went to Tigercon at Townson University.
         - Spent Thanksgiving at home. Hung out with Andy a little that week.
         - Almost dropped out of college to check myself into a mental health facility but hung in there.
        - Had my credit card and bank card stolen by someone at Del Tech. They spent over $1,200 in Dover, paid by me. Luckily, the bank and credit card company refunded the money.
        - Bought myself a blender from a Wal-Mart, that opened up 5 minutes away from my house. Drink making began!

         - Finished the semester with a 3.25 GPA. Had an A in Human Communications and Business Math, and a C in Computer Graphics 2. I might retake Computer Graphics 2 next year for a higher grade.
         - Andy came over Christmas Eve and spent the night and most of Christmas Day with me. I swear, he caters to me. ;o; <3
         - Didn't get a lot for Christmas, but Andy gave me a bunch, including the first season of "Ah! My Goddess!". He actually LISTENS to me when I say "I'd love to buy that and see it sometime.".  <3333333
         - Bought a lot of liquor with my sister for Christmas and New Years.
        - Got my gift from a Secret Santa exchange on OtakuBooty.com. My SS got me a Hello Kitty DS backpack case and a Hello Kitty Ornament. It would have looked so cool on a tree but my family didn't get one this year. ._.;
        - Andy spent New Year's with me too. <333333

January (thusfar)
          - Started another semester at Del Tech. I'm taking a light course load. I go to a basic Spanish class on Tuesdays, and I'm taking Art History 2 online. I wanted to be able to work more hours and to be able to dedicate more time to my artwork and cosplay.
          - I TURNED 21 ON THE 14TH! (and I got a new license with a much better picture).

So yeah, a lot has happened. I've been getting out of the house more ever since I met Andy, which is good. He's really sweet to me but Cala thinks he's gay or something. x.x;

I almost went to New Heart this year to see Kill Hannah but I didn't have the money and I had to work. My horoscope for this year is practically telling me to go to New Heart next year, which I am. I'm going to get smashed and get everyone else smashed too. Especially Jenn. ;D 


I don't know why I'm posting here.

I never do.

Lately.... It feels like everyone I know from online is pulling and shying away.  Many friends I have offline have done the same.

I've always walked a fine line between my online and offline friends, trying to make sure I kept up with both. And I failed. I fell out of contact with most of my offline friends, and now it seems like online friends want to do the same.

It's amazing how you can be around people but feel so alone at the same time. It hurts, and no one understands why. No one understands you. And everyone thinks you're doing things wrong. And then some people don't even call you unless it's convenient for them.

I miss romping around the woods and making mischief with kids from highschool, like Alicia. I miss talking with Chris on the phone and hearing his mom Susan flip out from frustration at various things. I miss hanging out with my brother, before he  forgot that I existed.

My mom probably wonders why part of me wants to leave Delaware.

I wish I was back in Texas again. I wish I wasn't broke or I'd hop back on a plane and just leave.

Why do I feel so out of place?

Summer's beginning to roll in

I'm getting really excited. I'm hoping to go down to Texas next month, and then Connecticut in August. I'm probably skipping Otakon this year, even though it would be awesome to have Kappei Yamaguchi sign my Inuyasha messenger bag.

Thunderstorms are moving back in. Lighting just flashed outside of my window.

I'm going to make a concerted effort to work on all the unfinished art lying around. I have a lot of stuff for Jenn and other people from dA.

Good humor toasted almond ice cream bars = awesome.

; 3 ;

I got my job back. <3

A horrible week.

And it's not even over yet. Ugh.

Well, I got fired tonight. Since everyone has been asking why, I'll write it out here. Months ago, when my old GM was still the GM of the restaurant where I worked, I had a write up because a large bill was comped. Around that time, the corporate office  got heavy handed because of all the guest complaints coming from the restaurant and laid down a policy that  emailed complaints and the ensuing write ups were to be treated as "final" - meaning that you had one shot to get it wrong before you were gone.

Well, I went into work today to find out that a pair of guests I had last Saturday had emailed corporate to complain about their dining experience. I had waited on these guests before - even talked with them at length about music at one point. My general manger showed me a copy of the email, stating that they had waited extremely long for service, that a manager had came out and told them that their food was messed up and it would take a bit longer for it to come out, and that when their food came out, it was completely wrong. The only truthful thing stated on the email was that I had told them that it had taken me a while longer than usual to put the order in, which was true because I had to grab drink refills and no one else was available to help.

Now, they did complain about a baked potato, which was comped off their meal. They said nothing else to me or the manager about their food or my service. In the email, they complained about only having the baked potato taken off!

So long story short, because they emailed corporate, it had to be written up and I was fired. My GM didn't want to let me go, but his hand was forced because of corporate. He did say that I could come back in as little as 3 months if he was still the GM. The normal time is 6 months.

So now, I have no job, and I have bills and financial obligations. I don't know what to do. I feel really dead inside, and I know things are going to get worse before they get better.

Fuck it all

I really do loathe life sometimes.

I'm also becoming annoyed with everyone.

I'm also annoyed at my large wall of artist's block.

I saw my ex at the mall this past Friday (2/29). Melanie (his other ex who he essentially left me to get back with) left him again. I fucking called that shit. He said that he's been trying to get a hold of me for a while now. I called him Friday evening but haven't heard from him since.

Gurren Lagann

My curiousity finally got the better of me. After hearing so much about this series from people, especially Jenn (lady_laguna), I decided to check youtube for fansubs of Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann (that's a mouthfull x.x).

Let's just say that I can't wait for it to hit the states. I hope Chris Ayres gets assigned to direct the voicework for the  English dub! >3<

In other news, it's a little over one week until Zenkaikon 2007. I'm still trying to see if my dad will take me, since work messed up my whole schedule. And I kind of can't call out, because I'm a staff member, and I'm participating in at least one panel!

.....And I wanna go to the King of Prussia mall's Sanrio store and get a Hello Kitty electric guitar.


I don't think that I've been doing a good enough job updating my livejournal. Eheheh.

Well, I called out of work tonight because I'm sick. I'm also starting my period, which might also explain my recent bouts of emoness and mood swings for the past two weeks or so. I don't usually have my period every month like most people my age.

Things are kind of strained between a certain someone from deviantart.com and I. At least, that's how I feel. It shouldn't be a surprise, knowing how much I pissed her off about two weeks ago, but it still makes me feel sad when I think about it. It seems like I have to "nudge" her to talk to me these days. I don't know if anyone really even knows any of this, and the only reason I'm talking about it here is because I don't think anyone reads this anyways.

I'm trying to do a better job of actually showing  them my artwork too. Believe it or not, I do have a TON of artwork of one of her characters in particular.

In general, I draw a lot more than it seems if you go by what's in my deviantart.com gallery. My big obstacle is that I don't typically like my art, compared to others. I always feel that I do a bad job of rendering other people's characters, nevertheless my own, especially if they are male. My .... self-depreciating outlook towards my art and my shyness about it is why I don't post it all.

I wish I wasn't so shy and nervous about what others thought about my art. It's not to say that I draw for others approval, but I'm the kind of person who grew up with so little approval and praise from my peers that I want it. And secretly, I'm envious of people like Eri, Jenn, Torso, Neofox, and Kamaniki because it seems like, no matter what they post, there will always be a large amount of people to show that they like, love, or even appreciate it, along with WHY, on deviantart.com.  I'm lucky if one of my works gets about five comments, aside from my own replies. I think that I feel like that I see little point in posting art sometimes, because it's not like anyone will look at it or share their opinion on it anyways.

I really want to take some more art courses next semester. Perhaps a figure drawing course would be a good idea? If you want to learn how to properly draw people in a certain style, such as Japanese animations styles,  then it makes sense to think that learning how to draw realistic figures first would help.

Speaking of college, I was able to get financial aid. I can afford to go full time next semester! I'm so happy! I don't have to take one class a semester anymore just because of money.

I feel a little more confident about applying to the four year colleges that I want to attend, even out of state ones. I'm just not sure where I want to go yet. I'm hoping that University of Delaware does indeed start a Japanese major. I had emailed them last school year about starting one, and never heard back. However, a U of D student told me in May that the university was looking into starting one! I hope it's true!  Then I can do a double major and not have to pay over 15,000 USD a year!

I'm also thinking about going to college in Canada too. I know it would be an immense financial responsibility, not to mention that I'd have to familiarize myself with the laws of a whole different country, but I think it would be nice to experience a different culture on a regular basis. I've been talking with my friend Lora from deviantart.com, who lives in/near Winnepeg, and I'm looking into going to visit her and attend Aikon (a Japanese culture and animation con) held in Winnepeg.  I guess I'll see how I like Canada then, and make a final decision afterwards? At the very least, maybe I can take a semester up there?

And as for work.... it's going okay, I guess. It's going on three months that  I've been at Applebees now. I've been stressing out about getting fired lately because I have three complaints from guests to the corporate office. My name came up a lot in a recent meeting with my store's managers and the district manager. I've been trying to improve, and I've gotten better tips and compliments from guests lately. One lady even asked me to get the manager on duty for her so she could tell her how good of a job I did! And another server, Ruby, said one of her guests even told her that I did a fine job when she came in the last time. My sister told me not to worry so much about the complaints when I talked to her about it. She said that I've been getting a lot of compliments lately too and that they seem to outweigh the complaints.

Either way, if I do get fired, it's not the end of the world, right? Even if this is my first job, at least I have work experience now. I don't really wanna get fired though. It's my first job, and I do make a lot of money there. And I might be cutting back on my hours. I already have off Tuesdays and Thursdays for school, but I think I wanna see about taking Sundays off too.

I'm also kind of mad because there's a mandatory in store meeting on October 13, the same day that I'm supposed to be staffing for Zenkaikon! My general manger won't let me off, even though it's a commitment I made a long time ago. Only semi-good thing is that the meeting is at 8 AM, and the con starts around 10 AM. I might be able to get up there in time if I get a ride, or if my mom forces my dad to drive me north an hour and a half to King of Prussia, a general area (suburb?) outside of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.

Wow....this entry got very long. I guess that I better end it here. Later~